Happy Yom Kippur (Unironically)
The older I get, the more I love what this holiday has to offer.
Tonight marks the start of Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, and for some the “saddest.” That’s how I perceived it for most of my life too, until I started to realize the meaning of it was more about releasing the weight of your world to start anew. Why the rabbis don’t frame it that way, I’ll never know.
I’ve written on this topic twice before, first in 2021 for Newsweek, where I wrote that “Yom Kippur is the Antidote to Cancel Culture.”
At its core, Yom Kippur teaches that you are more than the worst thing you’ve ever done, if you accept the call for change.
It’s a message that’s sadly missing from much of America today, which can be deeply unforgiving; all too often, the importance of self-growth and personal development is dismissed in favor of a slash and burn mentality.
The current social climate is sometimes described in religious terminology; our reflexive tribalism makes us evangelize some as “good faith” and demonize others as “bad faith.” We’re quick to dig into shame, but much less willing to extend the same grace toward those seeking redemption or forgiveness, or creating a culture of positive reinforcement that gives meaning to our failures.
I came to this understanding from a personal point of view. In 2019, I was formally diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum at 25 just a few weeks shy of Yom Kippur. The diagnosis helped me understand why I so often feel like a walking social blunder, and why I so often misjudge where irreverence fits within social codes. It’s also made me keenly aware of the dangers of transgressing in a world that places little value in forgiveness.
The intense experience of Yom Kippur the year I was diagnosed brought clarity to my many foibles. It gave me the headspace to contextualize some challenging aspects of myself more graciously.
It was then I realized Yom Kippur is a holiday about seeking resolve and renewal; at its best, it’s about transcending pain.
In 2023, I took that theme a step forward, spending a weekend at the country’s longest-running western-led silent meditation center, Insight Meditation Society. I wrote about my experience for The Forward and interviewed two of the founders, authors, and meditation teachers, Sharon Salzberg and Joseph Goldstein.
As these themes marinated in my mind, heightened by two years of a global pandemic, I drew a connection to another group that shares the cherished tradition of focusing on suffering: Buddhists.
At the Insight Meditation Society, mornings started at 5:30 a.m., which was surprisingly not difficult — It’s amazing how refreshed you can feel when you haven’t fried your brain with bright screens all day.
In the meditation hall, we were led in the Metta practice of ‘lovingkindness’ in which we silently repeated phrases like “May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I be free.” You start with offering these words to yourself, then to another person in your mind, and ultimately to all beings.
This practice isn’t all too different from the Mi Sheberach, the Jewish prayer for healing an individual or group of people.
Much like the retreat, Yom Kippur is a day for adjusting our relationship with the past to be a better version of ourselves in the present. Just like in meditation, this change in perspective is achieved through cultivating a more compassionate mindset.
If Yom Kippur is a time you’re typically zoning out on auto-pilot, maybe this reframing of the day can activate your sense of purpose. It’s not called the “days of awe” for nothing.
Gmar Chatima Tova — May you be sealed for good [in the Book of Life].
